HOW TO HANDLE 'RINGETTE FRUSTRATION' IN 3 EASY STEPS

Q. Dear Laura Warner,

What do I do when I feel so frustrated during the game nothing positive I

say to myself helps? Sometimes I just can't seem to 'park' my distractions

to deal with them later…any advice?

A. This is such an important question and I've had a lot of personal

experience with this situation. In fact, even with all my years of

ringette, challenges still come up that make me feel frustrated.

During the 2001/02 season, I played for a club team in Finland. I signed a

contract with the team expecting to play on the 1st line--only to arrive and

be informed that I would be playing on the 2nd and 3rd lines. The coach

wanted to use my defensive skills as a center to strengthen the team.

I was devastated - I did not want to play the role I was being asked to

play.

Over the course of the season, I tried out different strategies to stay

positive and had some success with those.

However, by the time the playoffs came around, I was fed up. I remember

being on the bus on the way to our semi-final game and thinking: "I just

can't talk myself out of this today. I'm tired of trying to get myself into

a positive frame of mind."

I wanted to win the game and I wanted to help my team, but I was angry about

the role my coach was asking me to play and I didn't know what to do with my

anger.

I've worked with other athletes who have come across this same problem and

we all know that feeling angry can lead to poor performances and miserable

days. As one athlete put it: "Some games I just give up on myself and it's

no fun! I miss passes, I don't finish on scoring chances, I stop skating…

nothing works. I end up feeling so angry after the game I want to either

scream or cry."

I knew before my playoff game last year that I was in danger of having one

of those games - where I didn't play well at all and ended the game feeling

even worse than how I started.

What I need was a strategy for how to deal with my anger.

Normally, I would find a way to get myself into a positive frame of mind.

On this day, though, that wasn't working.

I called Lisa Brown before my game to ask for help. She asked me one simple

question that turned the entire game around for me (and possibly my team):

"Is there a way you can use your anger to help you"? '

I stopped dead in my tracks.

All my strategies to that point had been around making my anger go away (at

least until after the game) and getting to a place where I could feel good

going into competition. Lisa was suggesting something different.

Her suggestion was: if you're already angry why don't you stop 'fighting' it

and try 'using' it.

My coach was asking me to play a defensive role and I knew I was better than

that… I had more to offer. I came to understand how I could go out on the

ice with an attitude of 'I'm going to prove how much I have to offer'.

The strategy worked wonders for me… my line scored twice in that game

(something we hadn't done for weeks) and we won the game without shortening

the bench (something we hadn't done against that team all season).

At the end of the game, I didn't like the role I'd been asked to play any

more than I did before the game, but I understood how I could use my

frustration - how I could channel it in a controlled manner - not so that I

was getting penalties, yelling at my teammates, or making poor decisions.

Rather, I had used all my frustrated energy to spur me on to a stellar

performance.

I've suggested this strategy to several athletes since and many of them have

experienced the same kinds of results that I did. Tracy, a competitive

fastball player, relayed this story to me:

"During our Nationals, my coach sat me during a couple of games during the

middle of the week because I was slumping at bat. During the two games that

I sat, I had a lot of time to contemplate the situation. I went through

feelings of anger towards my coach, but realized that it was my lack of

input to the team goal that got me to the spot where I was. I realized that

I had to grasp the opportunity when my chance came up, once again, to play.

And I did."

Tracy went 9 for 10 at bat in the last two games of the tournament. She

used her anger to help her perform the way she wanted to. She tapped into

her personal pride. She's say to herself, "I know I can do better!"

The next time you are experiencing frustration during practice or

competition, try this strategy. Instead of resisting the emotion, 'use' it.

Here are the three easy steps:

Step One: Express your anger and self-criticism to yourself. For example,

you could say to yourself, "I'm so frustrated that you aren't playing your

game right now! I hate it when you play like this!"

Step Two: Ask yourself for what you want. For example, you could say, "I

want you to skate for the ring! I want you to drive to the net and shoot

with authority!"

Step Three: Express positive support for yourself. For example, you could

say to yourself, "You're awesome when you play with aggressiveness! You can

do it! I love you!"

Try the three easy steps…and watch your game fall into place.

Yours in ringette,

Laura Warner